Religion has always been a touchy subject for me. Growing up as a “Jehovah’s Witness”, was a difficult path to follow. Forced to believe that any celebration outside of the Lord, was forbidden…
I often questioned the existence of God and why he would allow my life to be such a train wreck so early on. After all, it is God who creates a route for our way of life. So the bitter feelings of resentment and deception towards God seemed like a normal way of thinking and feeling. “My God, my God why have you forsaken me”?
I turned away from religion, not only feeling abandoned by my mother, but also by God. After all, how could I resume my faith in a higher power that continued to bear witness and yet- does nothing to cease it? Instead of leaning more towards Him, I coward away and concealed my guilt, shame and despair for years.
Many years later, I woke up and decided to take my life back. I was so exhausted of feeling worthless from events that occurred that I had absolutely no control over. So I started reading the bible. As perplexed and foreign it seemed to me, I still continued on. But this wasn’t enough and it became more complicated to break down scriptures to their true meaning. So, my husband and I stepped foot inside of small church in our hometown, and by the end of the service I was in tears. For the first time ever, I felt Gods presence and a whisper in my ear, “My child, my child… Where have you been?” An overwhelming source and yearning for communion embraced my entire being… as if my soul ran through my entire body, my calloused heart softening… the weight of His love came barreling down.
The devil created this image of a calloused and heartless God in my mind. He preyed and played with the notion in hopes that I would never lean towards the Lord again. Satin exists only to “steal, kill and destroy”. He works to undermine what God is doing in us and through us.
Dear God, it’s me Tiffany and I’m taking back everything the Devil has stole and destroyed from me! I am valuable, I am virtuous, and I am loved unbounded by You.
To be an inspiration to others has always been my ultimate goal in writing my blog. After all, if you want to give light to others, you must first glow yourself. This brings a whole new meaning to John Newtons quote when he says, “I once was lost but now I’m found, was blind but now I see”.